Data point of the week
Performance artist, Marina Abramović, demonstrated the power of eye contact in her 2010 exhibition, “The Artist Is Present,” at the Museum of Modern Art. She sat for 8 hours a day and gazed at whomever sat across from her. The exhibit lasted for three consecutive months, and people lined up to participate. Many of the people who engaged in extended eye contact with the artist called the experience “transformative” and “life-changing” and some said they felt “a love they had never felt before.”

In fact, mutual gaze has been shown to increase feelings of liking, love, and attraction. This was demonstrated in a study that paired opposite sex strangers (presumably straight) and had them gaze at each other for 2 minutes, then assessed how they felt about the other. Participants who looked into each other’s eyes had more positive feelings toward the other than those who looked at each other’s hands.

Reflection
Eye contact is powerful stuff. It can make us feel seen, heard, worthy of attention, liked and loved. Or it can make us feel creeped out, uncomfortable, squirmy, or fearful. Eye contact communicates a lot … think about the difference between a gaze, a glare, and a gape! Yet most of the time we don’t pay much attention to it. Our eyes are on autopilot.

Using eye contact more consciously can help build connection. Think about the bonding that happens (and the feel-good connection hormone oxytocin that’s released) when you gaze at a baby, a new love interest for that matter … or your pet. Our pup, Iggy, has mastered the art of irresistible eye contact!

While extended gazing isn’t socially appropriate in most contexts (outside of infants, pets, and romantic partners), briefer eye contact has benefits in all kinds of situations. Looking someone in the eye can make them feel valued and seen, and who doesn’t want to feel that?

Connection Skill & Action Step: Pay attention to your eye contact
This week, try to bring more awareness to your eye contact. When you’re interacting with people, do you look at them while they speak, or are your eyes—and mind—elsewhere? Notice also how you feel when other people make eye contact with you (or don’t).

• At work. When you greet your co-workers, look them in the eye and smile. In meetings and interactions, make eye contact with the speaker, show that you’re paying attention, and offer them nonverbal encouragement.

• With friends and family. When a friend or family member is speaking with you, look at them and give them your full attention (I know this is super-basic, but so often we’re half listening and looking at the phone or doing the dishes). Try extending your eye contact a few seconds longer than you normally would and see how it feels.

• With strangers. When you pass someone on the street, or interact at the checkout counter, acknowledge the other person by briefly meeting their eyes and smiling.
  

Questions. Please share your responses in the comments. Just click "post comment," enter your name and click "post as guest"

How do you think you might feel if you participated in Marina Abramović’s exhibit and engaged in extended eye contact (such as for 30 minutes or more)? What do you think is important to pay attention to in your eye contact when you want to build connection?