Have you noticed that people rarely talk about being lonely? Why is that, when SO MANY people feel lonely?

Data point of the week
A 2024 poll by the American Psychiatric Association (APA) found that one in 10 Americans are lonely every day.

And a Cigna study found that one in five “rarely or never feel close to people or feel like there are people they can talk to.”

Reflection
We are literally surrounded by people who feel lonely, and yet when we we’re in its grasp, it often feels like we’re the only one. We compare our internal experience (insides) with what we see from the outside. Everyone seems happy and connected on social media (and sometimes even IRL). They look like they have loads of friends and a more active and exciting social life. We don’t challenge these assumptions unless people talk about their experiences.

And people rarely talk about feeling lonely because of the stigma attached to it. Many of us fear that people will think there’s something wrong with us if we admit that we’re lonely. “What if people think I’m a loser … or that it’s my fault I don’t have more/better/closer friends?”

So, we feel alone in our loneliness.

Better to keep loneliness to ourselves rather than risk being judged. And of course, keeping it to ourselves makes us lonelier.

Connection Skill & Action Step: De-stigmatize loneliness
Breaking the silence that often surrounds loneliness helps normalize the experience, reduces shame and isolation, and increases support-seeking. A couple of ways to de-stigmatize loneliness include:

• Watch this 5-minute video, The Lifespan of Loneliness, with people sharing their struggles with loneliness. Share it with other people. Post it. Hearing other people’s stories decreases stigma and isolation.

• Talk about your own experiences with loneliness. Yes, it can feel vulnerable, but it may bring people closer to you and help them feel less alone.

• Ask people about how they’re feeling about the quality of their connections/friendships/social life.

• Create spaces to have group conversations about loneliness, connection, and belonging. It can feel like a huge relief to share, and to hear from others and realize we’re not alone.

• Share information and resources. For example, pass this newsletter on, or link to my blog on your website or social media account.
  

Questions. Please share your responses in the comments—we love hearing from you!
Do you agree that loneliness is stigmatized? How do you feel about talking with other people about feeling lonely? What do you think of other people who share that they’re lonely?