People often ask me about social media—does it help or harm connection, and mental health? The answer is “both.” And “it depends.” Here are a few data points.

Data point of the week
According to the Pew Research Center, as of 2021, 72% of Americans used social media, compared to only 5% in 2005 (the early days of social media) when they began tracking.

54% of teens agree that social media often distracts them when they should be paying attention to the people they’re with, and 42% agree that it takes away from the time they could spend with friends in person.

A UPenn study showed that limiting social media use to 30 minutes per day for three weeks led to significant reductions in loneliness and depression compared to the control group, which continued to use social media as usual. 

Curious how much time is spent on social media? Check this out.

Reflection
According to this chart, I’m an extreme outlier, spending less than 15 minutes a day on social media. There are things I appreciate about it … it’s fun to find friends that I’ve fallen out of touch with, it helps me stay loosely in touch with people I don’t see often in person (Facebook), and it’s helped me make professional connections (LinkedIn).

But even with minimal use I’ve noticed some of the negative effects too. Specifically, the inevitable comparisons. Not only because of the content of the posts (is everyone traveling to gorgeous places while I stay home?), but also the number of likes and comments they have. Does everyone else have more friends than me? It can feel icky despite the rational awareness of just how meaningless these metrics are.

And when I post, there’s the pull to repeatedly check the likes and comments, which trigger dopamine or disappointment, again regardless of what my rational brain has to say about it. I know likes and comments aren’t a real measuring stick of value/likability/friendship/success, but it feels like they are.

On the other hand, social media can help people find connection and community that isn’t available where they live. Think of the difference growing up queer or trans now compared to 25 years ago. For many, online communities can provide support, information, a sense of belonging, and vital relationships.

Connection Skill & Action Step: Assess your social media use  
This activity involves bringing attention to your social media use and how it affects your relationships and mood. Increased awareness will help inform your choices about if, when, how, and how much you’d like to use social media. To try this:

• Track your time on social media. There are a number of apps you can try, including SocialX.

• Notice how you use social media. Are you an active liker and commenter? A regular poster? Do you use social media to maintain and deepen relationships? To facilitate real life interactions? If so, social media may be strengthening your relationships. If you are more of a passive browser, or feel that connecting online has partially replaced connecting in person, social media may have a negative impact on your mental health.

• Pay attention to how your social media use affects your mood. Do particular moods (such as boredom or loneliness) lead you to get on social media? Does spending time on social media make you feel better or worse? Do you feel more connected with the people in your life, or less?

• Do specific sites make you feel better or worse than others?

  
  

Questions. Please share your responses in the comments.

How do you think social media impacts your relationships—and your mental health—for better and worse?