People often ask me about social media—does it help or harm connection and mental health? The answer is “both.” And “it depends.” Here are a few data points that highlight the complexities.

Friendship Fact
According to the Pew Research Center, as of 2021, 72% of Americans used social media, compared to only 5% in 2005—the early days of social media—when they began tracking. Meanwhile,

“42% of teens agree that social media takes away from the time they could spend with friends in person.”

54% agree that it often distracts them when they should be paying attention to the people they’re with.

On a more hopeful note, a UPenn study showed that limiting social media use to 30 minutes per day for three weeks led to significant reductions in loneliness and depression compared to the control group, which continued to use social media as usual.

Curious how much time people actually spend on social media? Check this out.

Reflection
According to this chart, I’m an extreme outlier, spending less than 30 minutes a day on social media. There are things I appreciate about it: It's been a fun way to reconnect with old friends, stay in touch with people I don’t see regularly (thanks, Facebook), and make professional connections through LinkedIn.

But even with minimal use I’ve noticed some of the negative effects too. The inevitable self-comparisons and envy.

There’s the content of the posts. Like when someone I know not only publishes a book, but also makes it onto the New York Times bestseller list, while all I’ve done is think about writing a book.

And then there’s the number of likes and comments they have, causing me to wonder, does everyone else have more friends than me?

On the rare occasions that I post, I feel pulled to repeatedly check the likes and comments, which trigger dopamine or disappointment.

Despite the awareness that posts aren’t accurate representations of how people are doing—and that number of likes aren’t a true metric of connection—it still feels like they are. I can’t override my human reactions regardless of what my rational brain has to say about it.

On the other hand, social media can help people find connection and community that isn’t available where they live. Think of the difference between growing up queer or trans now compared to 25 years ago. For many, online communities can provide support, information, a sense of belonging, and vital relationships … things that are especially important in today’s political climate.

Friendship Skill & Action Step: Assess your social media use
Increasing your awareness of your social media use—and how it affects your relationships and mood--can inform your choices about if, when, how, and how much you’d like to use it. To try this:

Track your time on social media. There are a number of apps you can try, including SocialX. (Yes, I know, I’m suggesting using tech to track your tech use!)
Notice how you use social media. Are you an active liker and commenter? A regular poster? Do you use social media to maintain and deepen relationships? To facilitate real life interactions? If so, social media may be strengthening your relationships. If you’re more of a passive browser, or feel like connecting online has partially replaced connecting in person, social media may have a negative impact on your mental health.
Pay attention to how your social media use affects your mood. Do particular moods (such as boredom or loneliness) lead you to get on social media? Does spending time on social media make you feel better or worse? Do you feel more connected with the people in your life, or less? Do specific sites make you feel better or worse than others?

Weekly Question. Please share your responses in the comments—I love hearing from you!

How do you think social media impacts your relationships—and your mood—for better and worse?

84. Does social media help or harm connection?