Don’t you wish you’d been taught social intelligence skills in school? I do! What could be more important than developing the skills we need to have good relationships? And to be able to navigate the complex social situations that are a part of being a human in the 21st century?

Data point of the week

People with high social intelligence:

1. Have better relationships

2. Experience more positive moods and greater well-being

3. Are less psychologically distressed

4. Are more optimistic

5. Have greater life satisfaction

6. Have better physical health

Strong social intelligence skills are also crucial to professional success … even more important than IQ or organizational skills according to a British study. Research by Indeed backs this up. The top four skills that employers name as necessary for job success and advancement all fall squarely under the umbrella of social intelligence:

1. Communication skills

2. Leadership skills

3. Teamwork skills

4. Interpersonal skills

Reflection
Social intelligence is a key determinant of health, happiness, and success. And these skills are 100% learnable. So why are they so rarely taught?!

I had NO formal education on social intelligence skills. And I’m called upon to use these skills daily … while most of the things I was taught, I rarely or never use.

Of course, things have changed over the last few decades, and SEL (social and emotional learning) is part of the K-12 curriculum in many places. Yet people regularly tell me that young people’s ability to interact and relate are less developed than in the past.

In higher ed, social and emotional education is relegated to the extracurricular. Which begs the question, what is the purpose of education? If it’s to prepare students for successful careers, surely social intelligence skills should be a top priority (being central to the top 4 skills employers look for). If it’s to help students lead more fulfilling lives, then nothing could be more important.

I would love to see the day when social and emotional intelligence skills are a key part of every student’s education. In the meantime, we can choose to focus on developing these skills ourselves.  

Action Step: Brush up on your social intelligence skills

There are a lot of skills that fall under the umbrella of social intelligence. My blog, 101+ Ways to Build Connection and Community highlights over 100 of them (as the name suggests). You can’t focus on developing that many skills at once … so where to begin?

If your goal is to create stronger connection, practice the three core skills in the friendship formula:

1. Sharing

2. Caring, and (when necessary),

3. Repairing

The friendship formula is the subject of the book I’ve just starting to write. Stay tuned! You can also find posts that fall under these 3 scattered throughout this blog.

As with all skills, practice—more than knowledge—helps us get better. When it comes to social intelligence skills, we need to practice in safe spaces, with other people. If you don’t have those spaces in your life, and want them, you may be interested in my new offering, The Secret to Making Friends as an Adult. This offers participants the opportunity to learn and practice key connection skills in a supportive, small group environment, and make real connections in the process. If you are (or someone you know is) craving deeper connection and would be interested in participating in a virtual Connection Circle, please get in touch to start a conversation about whether or not this would be a good fit.

Questions (Please share in the comments):
Were you taught social intelligence skills in school? If not, where did you learn them?
In an ideal world, how do you think social intelligence should be taught/learned?