6. Ask for advice or a small favor ... and leverage the "Franklin Effect."
A lot of people have a hard time asking for help because we worry it will feel like an imposition. We assume people don't really want to help and may say no (eek, rejection!) and resent us for asking. Or worse, they’ll say yes out of obligation. But the truth is, people *often* like to be helpful—and they may even like you more when you ask.
Data point of the week
This is called the Franklin Effect—named after Benjamin Franklin, who turned a vocal opponent into a friend by asking to borrow a rare book from him. Research confirms this “effect” isn’t confined to presidents or rare books—asking for any small favor or advice works, and can be applied to your friendships or at work.
Reflection
Why?
First, by helping you, the other person gets to see themselves as helpful and generous, and that feels pretty great. As the asker, some of that positive feeling gets associated with you.
Second, they’re investing their time, expertise, or trust in you. That instantly shifts their perception of you—you become someone worthy of their time, energy, and help, which turns them into a supporter.
Third, people don’t like cognitive dissonance—the mental discomfort they feel when their beliefs don’t match their behavior. People like to be consistent. “I’m doing you a favor, therefore I must like you.” The brain catches up with the behavior. This is why asking a prickly colleague for their expertise on something may soften their edges.
A word of caution: Don’t overdo it. People enjoy being helpful, but hate feeling taken advantage of. Have you ever had a friend or colleague who repeatedly asked for advice about the same problem, but never took it? Or chronically asks for favors but never returns them? (If so, it may be time to set boundaries). Avoid burning the other person out by being appreciative. Share the outcome of the advice they gave, or how their input helped you get unstuck.
Connection Practice: Ask someone for advice or a small favor
Think of someone who’s a little distant, chilly, or hard to read—at work or in your personal life—that you’d like to have a better relationship with.
What makes sense to ask for? If it’s a colleague, can you tap into their expertise? (For example, “Hey, could I get your take on this?”) If it’s a friend, can you ask for a small favor that plays to their strengths?
Make the ask—keep it small, specific and low stakes.
Pay attention to how the relationship shifts, even in subtle ways.
Weekly Questions: Please share your responses in the comments—we love hearing from you!
How do you feel about asking for favors?
What about when someone asks you for advice or a favor—are you flattered or annoyed?