21. Align Your Time With Your Priorities
Can you have an “aha” and “duh” moment at the same time? I recently heard someone say,
“Change doesn’t happen because we want it to.” 🤦🏼💡
Yeah, no kidding! Yet, I’ve definitely set a goal and wanted something really badly, then been surprised when it didn’t happen! 😂 Turns out wanting is not the same and doing—and it’s kinda important to DO something different to get a different outcome.
A great first step is aligning your time with your priorities (there’s a quick exercise below for that).
Data point of the week
Bronnie Ware has a unique perspective on people’s priorities. She spent 8 years as a palliative care nurse, tending to people as they were dying. As her patients looked back on their lives, she noticed the same regrets came up over and over. This led her to write the best-selling book The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.
One of the big ones? “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends more.”
Bronnie shares that “There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved.” Not their career. Or email. Or keeping the house clean. Friendship.
Reflection
Ask people what matters most, and they’ll probably say: family and friends. But these priorities don’t necessarily translate to how we spend our time.
That’s true for me too.
There’s a seemingly endless number of demands on our time that don't feel meaningfulbut still have to be done. Dishes, an oil change, hours on the phone with Verizon trying to figure out why my calls keep dropping, etc. “Life maintenance” seems to take up a LOT of time!
Though I also spend a not-insignificant amount of time collapsed on the couch watching the show du jour. Nothing wrong with that, but chances are, I won't regret having missed a season of The Bear when I'm on my deathbed (even though it's SO good.)
No matter how busy you are, there's always a little wiggle room. You prioritize one thing by deprioritizing something else. You may find the exercise below illuminating—whether or not you end up making any changes.
Connection Practice: Align Your Time With Your Priorities
This exercise helps you assess what's most important to you and how that does—or doesn’t—align with how you’re spending your time.
Take a few minutes to jot down a list of your priorities, in no particular order. What is most important to you that you want to make sure to spend time on this year? Where do relationships fall on that list?
Now write a percentage beside each item, roughly representing what percentage of your time you’d like to dedicate to each item.
If you’re a visual person, you can make a pie chart and create appropriately sized slices for each priority. Or, arrange your priorities in a ranked list from most important to least important.
Next, think about how you spent your time—on average—over the last two weeks. Create a list of what you typically spend time on.
Write a percentage beside each item, roughly representing the percentage of time you spend on each item. Turn this into a pie chart or ranked list.
Compare the overlap and discrepancies between your priorities and how you spend your time.
What comes up for you when you compare the two lists/images? What changes—if any—would you like to make to more closely align your time with your priorities?
Weekly Questions. Please share your responses in the comments—we love hearing from you!
What do you want to prioritize and spend more time on this year?
What would you like to spend less time on?
Where does friendship fall on your list of priorities?
What changes can you make (even small ones) to get closer alignment between your time and your priorities?
Not everyone will share your priorities!