117. Don’t confuse interaction with connection
The default advice for loneliness is: Join a club. Put yourself out there. Just go, even when you don’t feel like it. But have you ever noticed that these interactions often make you feel even more disconnected?
What? Connection Factoid
Research shows that people feel the loneliest when they’re in a social situation where they feel disconnected from the people they’re with. These kinds of social interactions actually prolong feelings of loneliness.
The researchers concluded that avoiding “disconnected” interactions may be more important to relieving loneliness than having “connected” interactions.
Another study, on workplace loneliness, found that increasing employees’ interaction through “task interdependence” (i.e. mandatory group projects) did not improve well-being. More contact ≠ more connection when interactions remain superficial.
So What?
Many of us have larger social networks and more daily interactions than at any time in history. Technology lets us reach anyone, anywhere, anytime. We’re hyperconnected, yet loneliness is at an all-time high. That’s because not all social contact is created equal.
Much of our people time is making us lonelier.
I’m not just talking about negative interactions, or obvious exclusion. I’m talking something much more common: the superficial or transactional exchanges that leave you feeling unseen. Those interactions don’t just fail to connect, they actively dehumanize and alienate.
There’s nothing lonelier than being with people, while feeling disconnected from them. And this experience has become the norm in many workplaces.
Now What? Connection Practice: Don’t confuse interaction with connection
To Connect:
Putting yourself in the wrong kinds of social situations may make you feel worse. Before you push yourself to attend a social event you’re dreading, pause and ask:
How can I spend more time with people I feel genuinely connected to?
How can I put myself in social situations that are conducive to genuine connection?
To Build Connection:
Organizations often think, “we already do connection-building.” After all, they have team lunches. Throw holiday parties. Hold trivia nights.
If you have an organization of <10 people who are already friends, that’s great!
These kinds of events bring people together. That invites INTERACTION—not necessarily connection. Sure, the extroverts and the people who already know each other may glad for the excuse to hang out. But for everyone else, walking into that room, looking for a familiar face, wondering who to talk to, can actually deepen the sense of not belonging.
This is why a so many employee connection efforts fall flat. They increase proximity—not relationships.
Let’s stop confusing interaction with connection. Instead of simply bringing people together and hoping connection happens, actively design for it.
Want to learn how to reliably facilitate connection? Become a certified ProjectConnect facilitator.
What about you? Please share your responses in the comments—we love hearing from you!
Have you ever attended an event meant to bring people together—that instead made you feel more disconnected?
Fake smiling for hours is draining!