116. Tell people you like them ... it will make them like you more.
Valentine’s Day often heightens loneliness. When we celebrate one kind of connection above all others, anyone without a romantic partner can feel left out.
But what if we turned Valentine’s (or Palentine’s) Day into a reason to help the people in our lives—friends, family, colleagues—feel truly liked?
What (connection factoid)
People like to be liked.
And, people like people who like them.
It makes intuitive sense, right? When someone makes us feel good, we start to associate that feeling with them, and we want more interactions.
In scientific terms, this is known as the reciprocity of liking effect.
In one classic study, participants were told—before a group discussion—that certain members of the group (selected at random) would probably like them. Afterward, they consistently liked those "pre-fans" (whomever they believed liked them) more than everyone else.
Research also shows that “likers”—people who are warm, friendly, and generally like others—tend to be more well-liked themselves. Liking people makes you more likable. (This applies to all relationships—with friends, co-works, or family).
So what?
Our desire to be liked escalates when we feel lonely or disconnected. But our default response is often passive: waiting and wishing for other people to like us.
How often have you thought:
“I want people to like me.”
“Why does everyone like so and so more than me?”
“Why don’t people (text me/invite me over /fill-in-the-blank-liking-behavior) more?”
What if—instead of waiting to be the LIKEE—you became the LIKER?!
If you’ve heard me speak—or attended a training—you know I talk about sharing, caring, and repairing as the 3 core behaviors for making and sustaining close relationships. Expressing liking is one of the simplest—and most powerful—ways you can show you care.
Now what? Connection practice: Express liking
You can do this any day, but why not turn it into a Palentine’s Day practice? Here are a few ways to let people know you like them:
Send 5 people a Palentine’s Day message❤️❤️❤️. Share a specific compliment or let them know what you appreciate about them.
Make a weekly habit of sending a “Hey, I was thinking of you” message to someone you care about, but don’t talk to often.
Get in the practice of saying, “I like you,” “I’m so glad we’re friends” or even, “I love you.” It might feel awkward, but it will probably make their day.
Learn their love language so you can express your caring in a way that’s meaningful to them.
Surprise them with a random act of kindness (hide a note in their coat pocket, drop off cookies, scrape their windshield).
Tip: Keep it real. If your expressions of liking feel forced, fake, or over-the-top, it may have the opposite effect.
What about you? (weekly question) Please share your responses in the comments—I love hearing from you!
Who is someone who makes you feel liked? What do they do/say that makes you feel that way?
What’s help you overcome—or embrace—the awkwardness of telling someone you like them?
It IS possible to overdo it.