15. Reflect on Your Relationship Values
If you wish you had more social confidence—or felt more secure in your relationships—this 10-minute exercise can help. Instead of tackling what’s “wrong,” it shifts your attention to what’s truly important to you and helps you recognize the value you bring to your relationships.
Data point of the week:
In The Upside of Stress, Kelly McGonigal states that:
“Writing about your values is one of the most effective psychological interventions ever studied.”
In fact, researchers have found that spending just 10 minutes writing about your values can lead to benefits that last for months, or even years, including:
Increased sense of connection and empathy.
Improved mental and physical health.
Greater confidence and capacity to handle stress.
Increased motivation to follow-through on personal goals.
Higher academic and professional achievement.
Reflection
I love this exercise because you can do it on your own, it’s free, and it has an outsized impact for not much effort. You’re not likely to feel an immediate change—the impact is subtle and compounds over time.
While affirmations can feel like you’re trying to convince yourself to think positively (when you’re feeling the opposite), reflecting on your values is a good reminder of who you are and who you want to be. It can gradually shift negative beliefs and create a more positive self-narrative.
Connection Practice: Reflect on your relationship values
This practice involves spending 10-15 minutes reflecting on and writing about your relationship values. How do you want to show up in your relationships with friends, family, and/or co-workers? If you’re a leader or facilitator, what values do you want to role model and help nurture in your group, team or organization?
Here’s how to do it:
Set aside 10 minutes when you won’t be interrupted.
Download this values exercise and print it out, or write your responses in your own journal).
Circle 5 (or so) values that matter most to you.
Choose one value that feels especially relevant right now—either something you already embody, or something aspirational, that you’d like to bring into your relationships more.
Write freely for 10 minutes about why this value is important to you, how you express it in your daily interactions and relationships, and how you want to express it in the future.
Tip: This also works well as a team or group exercise—especially when followed by discussion.
Weekly Questions. Please share your responses in the comments—we love hearing from you!
What values do you most want to express in your relationships—with friends, family, or colleagues?
Is it important for friends to share your values, or to have friends with different values from your own, or both?
These two cuties value reciprocity and affection!