90. Leverage your connection superpowers
There are hundreds of ways to build connection (in fact 115 are spotlighted in this blog). You can’t be good at everything, but you’re already great at some things. When you’re trying to make friends as an adult, leverage your superpowers!
Data point of the week
It is far more effective—and enjoyable—to leverage your existing areas of strength rather than trying to strengthen areas of weakness. Here are a few research-backed benefits of focusing on strengths:
It makes you happier, healthier, less stressed, and more confident.
You’ll grow faster, be more creative, and experience greater meaning.
You’ll also feel more engaged at work and more satisfied with your life overall.
Connection Reflection
Have you ever had a role where you were operating outside of your strengths? I have, and it wasn’t fun. I felt chronically stressed, inadequate, and like I didn’t belong … you get the idea. Not surprisingly, I didn’t last long there 🥵!
The same is true in our social lives. When we lean into our connection superpowers, socializing feels fun, easy, and rewarding. When we’re in a social situation that taps into our weaknesses (connection kryptonite) it feels awkward and exhausting.
Pushing our limits helps us grow, but if you’re stretched (out of your comfort zone) most of the time, it’s hard to get comfortable and build confidence—and over-stretching can actually erode confidence.
I like to think in terms of a “stretch-to-strength ratio.” My ideal would probably be about 80% strengths to 20% stretch … but the reality is I often feel socially stretched!
Regardless of your current ratio, identifying and using your unique connection superpowers builds social confidence and helps you strengthen connection. Leveraging your strengths leads to more gain for less pain.
Friendship Practice: Focus on your connection superpowers.
Spend time reflecting on your strengths: Are you a great host? Do you introduce people to each other and help them make connections? Are you a good listener? Do you make people laugh? Are you the one who always lends a helping hand when your friends need it? What comes easily to you? Which connection skills feel natural?
Write down 3-5 strengths. They may not feel like superpowers because they come easily, but don’t undervalue them. If you’re stuck, think about what your friends, family, and co-workers appreciate about you … or ask them.
Choose one superpower and brainstorm (in writing) ways to practice it more in your daily life.
Weekly Questions. Please share your responses in the comments—I love hearing from you!
What is one of your connection superpowers? When’s the last time you used it?
What kinds of social situations are kryptonite for you?
What kinds of situations bring out your best?
How can you do less of the former and more of the latter?