17. Be reliable. Flakiness is for pies, not people.
Reliability isn’t the sexiest topic, but it may be the most important when it comes to building trust.
What? Connection Factoid
Research on workplace trust finds that reliability—doing what you say you’ll do—is one of the key signals people use to decide whether someone is trustworthy. Consistently following through on commitments is one of the clearest ways to demonstrate this. It signals to our colleagues—and friends—that they can count on us.
So What?
Trust is foundational to strong relationships. Being inconsistent, unreliable, or flaky erodes it.
Think about it. How frustrating is it when a co-worker repeatedly holds up your projects because they say yes, then don’t follow through? How disappointing is it when you run into an acquaintance who seems delighted to see you, says “let’s get together” for the fifth time, then goes radio silent when you try to make it happen? Or the person who schedules something, then cancels at the last minute. Again.
Sure, there can be legitimate reasons for canceling or changing plans, and sometimes we forget to get back to people. The health of a relationship isn’t defined by a single moment—it’s the overall pattern.
As with financial investments, small deposits compound and grow into a strong asset over time, while small, repeated withdrawals compound into debt that can quietly drain the account.
You’re making small deposits in your relationships each time you’re reliable and follow through.
Now What? Connection Practice: Be reliable. Follow through.
To Connect:
The most common trap we fall into when it comes to reliability is saying yes in the moment to make someone happy—without thinking through our ability to follow through. But a yes you can’t keep is worse than a thoughtful no.
Commitments can be changed or canceled for a good reason and with clear communication … but if this happens regularly it can erode trust in the relationship.
So, check your calendar—and your gut—before you commit. If you’re stretched too thin or just not interested, say so, kindly. (If saying no feels hard, check out this post on setting boundaries.
That said, there are times though when it’s worth it to show up, even when you don’t feel like it, because of how important to your friend, family member, or colleague.
Showing up consistently is how you become someone people can count on. And that’s an investment in the long-term health of your relationship.
To Facilitate Connection
Reliability is built through small actions, like starting a meeting on time, following through on what you’ve said you’ll do, and closing the loop on questions.
Set clear expectations for your group or team. When someone drops the ball, resist the urge to let it slide to “keep the peace.” Instead, have a quick conversation: “I noticed this didn't happen—what got in the way?" This gradually creates a culture where accountability and follow-through are expected and builds trust.
What about you? Please share your responses in the comments—I love hearing from you!
Have you had a flaky friend or colleague? How did it impact your relationship? What would have been different if you felt like you could rely on this person?
What do you think gets in the way of people following through?