16. Celebrate your friends’ successes
If you’re like me, you spend most of your time in heads-down mode, focused on what’s in front of you, and getting things done. You accomplish one thing, and then move on to the next. After all, there’s always more to do.
But now and then it’s helpful to pause and take a moment to celebrate what you’ve done. Most organizations skip over this, moving from task to task without ever pausing to acknowledge progress. That’s a missed opportunity for connection and engagement.
What? Connection Factoid
Positive psychologist Martin Seligman has identified four types of responses to someone sharing good news. Which type are you?
Active constructive, e.g. “That’s fantastic! I’m so happy for you! You must be so thrilled” (expressing genuine enthusiasm).
Passive constructive, e.g. “That’s great, congratulations…” (in a flat or distracted tone).
Passive destructive, e.g. “Mmm Hmm…” (while staring at your phone, ignoring them).
Active destructive, e.g. “What?! How did you manage to pull that off?!” (minimizing or criticizing their achievement).
One study found that how we respond to “positive event discussions”—or the sharing of good news—was more predictive of the future strength of the relationship than how we respond to “negative event” discussions.
In other words: how you—or your team—responds to wins shapes whether relationships deepen or stay surface level. As a connection-builder, this is something you can design for.
Painting by Priti Gokani
So What?
Other people’s accomplishments and good fortune can stir up that icky feeling—wanting to be happy for them, but instead comparing, feeling envious, thinking, “why not me?”
This is a natural human tendency, but it’s magnified in competitive environments, leading to emotional stinginess and an “everyone’s out for themselves” attitude. Creating a culture where people feel seen and valued dampens that instinct and leads to greater emotional generosity, mutual support, and a “we look out for each other” attitude.
Celebrating successes is one of the connection practices built into the ProjectConnect program because it immediately makes people feel closer to each other.
Now What? Connection Practice: Celebrate wins—out loud and often
To Connect:
Practice amping up your enthusiasm when other people share their accomplishments, wins, or good fortune with you. Make a fuss. Celebrate! If that feels hard when you’re internally seething with envy, try to remind yourself that:
Envy is just a signal that you want something you don't currently have. If your friend or co-worker has that thing first, great! They can serve as an inspiration and role model.
Expressing happiness about other people’s wins strengthen relationships, and that makes it worth celebrating even through of pangs of envy.
Good fortune and success aren’t finite. It’s not a zero-sum game. There’s enough for everyone!
To Build Connection:
Make celebrations a regular practice—not as an afterthought, but built into how your group operates. Most teams spend all their Meeting time on what still needs to get done, or what's gone wrong. Flip that, even briefly, and something shifts.
Set aside a few minutes at meetings for shout-outs, progress, and celebrating accomplishments. Keep it structured and consistent.
Try one of these:
A quick go around: one win and one challenge per person.
A speed round of “what went well this week, and why?”
Five minutes for “good news” announcement—personal or professional.
A visual reminder of progress such as a side-by-side “Done” and “To Do” list, progress bar, or thermometer, that shows people how far the group has come. Celebrate incremental gains.
The Goal isn't forced positivity. It's making sure real progress doesn't get swallowed up by busyness.
What about you? Please share your responses in the comments—I love hearing from you!
When was the last time when someone got super-excited for you, or celebrated a piece of good news? How did it feel?
What do you think would change in your group, team, or organization If you made celebration and regular, structured practice?
