83. Offer Support: how friendship changes lives
Sometimes the twin crises of loneliness and mental health can feel insurmountable. But simple solutions can be incredibly powerful … as this inspiring story from Zimbabwe illustrates.
Friendship Fact
In Zimbabwe, Dixon Chibanda is one of only 15 psychiatrists for a country of 16 million. After losing a patient to suicide—because she couldn’t travel 160 miles to see him—Chibanda decided he had to do something to increase access to care.
His solution was simple and outside the box. He trained a group of grandmothers to actively listen to people who needed support—on local park benches. The friendship bench movement was born and has grown exponentially since 2015. In 2024, more than 280,000 people used the program!
The grandmothers have proven that professionals aren’t the only ones who can provide effective emotional and mental health support. Studies of the program show that it reduces mental health symptoms for both participants and grandmothers. In fact, after six months, participants who spoke with a grandmother were “better off than those who received therapy from a community mental health nurse or psychologist” on a range of mental health measures.
The author of the article, Kim Samuel, notes that the power of the program lies in the way “it empowers people to take responsibility for the psychological wellbeing of their community.”
(Shout out to Michelle Bowdler for passing this along).
Credit: The Friendship Bench Zimbabwe
Reflection
I love the idea of friendship benches! There will always be a role for mental health professionals, but we need to look for creative solutions to the mental health crisis beyond traditional 1:1 care.
It might not work to transplant this exact model here, but we can learn from its success. What I appreciate about friendship benches is that they:
Harness the power of human connection.
De-stigmatize mental health support by taking it out of clinical environments.
Increase access by expanding the definition of who can offer support. This increases the pool of helpers and allows for more localized options.
Provide a meaningful role for people in the community. Supporters gain a sense of purpose by providing a valuable service.
ProjectConnect embodies many of these principles as well. And, in the spirit of making the friendship piece more explicit, I’ve been thinking about renaming the program “Friending Club.” Let me what you think in the comments!
While ProjectConnect/Friending Club groups don’t explicitly offer mental health support (participants aren’t necessarily talking about their problems), it creates supportive peer connections, which reduces loneliness and protects against depression. By training peers as facilitators, it expands access to connection, offers facilitators a chance to contribute in a meaningful way, and builds community.
If we want to reverse rising rates of loneliness, depression and anxiety, we need creative solutions that distribute responsibility for connection and mental health beyond the caring professions.
Friendship Practice: Offer Support
On an individual level, we can offer support to family, friends, and co-workers who may be struggling. Is there someone in your life who could use a listening ear? A word of encouragement? Some time together? Don’t underestimate the value of simply showing up or being there for someone who is going through a hard time.
If you’re supporting someone long-term—or have multiple people who look to you for support— be mindful of your emotional resources to avoid burnout. Can you send a quick “thinking of you” text, or schedule a time to talk when you know you’ll have energy?
Weekly Questions. Please share your responses in the comments—I love hearing from you!
What outside-the-box ideas do you have to solve a big or small problem?
