Let’s make 2025 the year to get friend rich!

Data point of the week
In a recent Pew Research Center survey, the majority of American adults (61%) said that “having close friends is extremely or very important for people to live a fulfilling life.”

More surprisingly, only about a quarter felt the same about being married (23%), having children (26%) or having a lot of money (24%).

Reflection
I believe that most of us intuitively know that having good friends will make us happier than having lots of money.

However, I don't think our behavior—what we invest our time and energy into—necessarily reflects that.

I tested this theory by doing a quick search on Google Trends, which shows how often people search for particular words and phrases. It turns out that every year (for more than a decade) there have been at least seven times as many searches for “how to make money” compared to “how to make friends.” Not terribly scientific, but still, behavior doesn't always match values!

Not terribly scientific, but still, behavior doesn't always match values! If you want to build your social wealth (get friend rich) here are four steps you can take.

Connection Skill & Action Step: Choose your path to improve your social well-being
Most of us could benefit from investing in all four of these areas … but multitasking can backfire!

It can be helpful to write the names of your friends in the appropriate category, then choose one friendship at a time to focus on. What will have the most impact on your overall social well-being? Is it pulling back on a friendship that's draining you, or doubling down on a friendship that nourishes you?

If you're not sure where to start, you can take the friendship self-assessment to get a snapshot of how you’re feeling about your relationships.

1. Expand: This involves meeting people, building new relationships, and expanding your social circle. Great strategies for expansion include:

   • Join a group, team, club, class, or community. Joining something based on your interests is a great way to meet new people, and (as I’ve mentioned in previous posts) belonging to at least one group reduces depression and extends your life expectancy!

   • Volunteer for something you care about. This can be a great way to get to know people over time and has the added benefit of providing a sense of purpose and contribution, which improves mood and mental health.

   • Set a challenge. I was just listening to a podcast where the guest, Deasha Waddup, shared that she challenged herself to take 30 selfies with strangers in 30 days. Sounds like torture to me 😂, but it helped her break through her comfort zone, and get into the habit of talking with people. You can set any challenge you want … sending a daily text or thank you note, engaging in a daily act of kindness, extending a daily invitation, etc.

2. Contract: This involves pulling back, setting boundaries, or even ending a relationship.

   • Have a difficult conversation. If something isn't working, let your friend know how you're feeling and try to find a solution.

   • Set boundaries. Sometimes the best way to maintain your health (and possibly the health of the relationship) is to set limits. These may be around time spent together, what you talk about, or a specific behavior.

   • Break up. If a friendship is truly unhealthy and attempts to repair it haven’t made a difference, it may be time to consider breaking up.

3. Sustain: This involves maintaining your existing relationships and keeping them healthy

   •  Make a “To Love” list (next to your “To Do” list). This suggestion comes from Kasley Killam’s book, The Art and Science of Connection. To try it, write the names of friends and family members you want to stay connected with on strips of paper. Put them in a bowl or jar. Each day pull one out and send a quick “thinking of you” text, make a short call, or schedule a get together.

   • Really listen. The simple-yet-difficult skills of listening and being present are foundational to maintaining healthy relationships.

   • Have fun. Fun is like social glue. If you've been friends for a long time and have fallen into a relational rut, introduce a little fun!

4. Deepen: This involves taking an existing relationship to a new level, getting closer, going deeper, or strengthening your connection. 

   • Ask Good Questions. Getting closer to someone usually involves asking deeper questions … and really listening to their responses.

   • Express Appreciation. Everyone loves to be appreciated! When you express appreciation you make the other person feel seen, valued, liked, and secure in your relationship. It’s a fast track to strengthening your connection.

   • Make a memory. Most of our day-to-day fades into a blur. One way to get closer to someone—and cement your relationship—is to make a memory together. Do something outside the ordinary—something that will stand out, that you can talk about for years to come.

     
     

Questions to reflect on or to spark conversation. Please share your responses in the comments—we love hearing from you!

Which of these 4 pathways (expand, contract, sustain, deepen) would have the most impact on your social well-being?

If you could choose between getting $1 million (tax free 😊) tomorrow, or making a BFF tomorrow, which would you choose?