97. Be interested. It will draw people to you.

Data point of the week
It doesn’t take a bunch of Harvard neuroscientists to realize that people like to talk about themselves … or maybe it does!

Harvard neuroscientists conducted a series brain imaging and behavioral experiments revealing that talking about ourselves triggers the same pleasure reaction in the brain as food or money. In fact, study participants were willing to forgo money (in small amounts) for the opportunity to talk about themselves.  

They note that 30-40% of everyday speech—and about 80% of social media posts—is used to talk about our own experiences.

Reflection

Given that people like to talk about themselves, they really like it when the people they’re talking to are interested in what they have to say. Being curious, showing interest, and listening helps build relationships.

You may have heard the quote, “It’s better to be interested than interesting.” Google attributes this to Jane Fonda (who knew?)!

Well before her time, Dale Carnegie, perhaps the first author to write about social intelligence, said this: “To be interesting, be interested.”

Connection Skill & Action Step: Be interested

Staying interested and engaged is sometimes easier said than done. Other things may compete for your attention, the topic may be dull or superficial, you may be tired, etc. Here are a few ideas to help you feel and express genuine interest:

• Think about the conversation as a treasure hunt. What sparkles, or interests you? Ask follow-up questions about that (being mindful not to deflect if the other person is sharing something emotional or important to them).

• Practice listening as a mindfulness exercise, focusing and re-focusing your attention on what the other person is saying and what it means to them. Practice being fully present. Paraphrase.

• Find shared interests and commonalities, and delve into their experiences in these areas.
  

Questions to reflect on or to spark conversation. Please share your responses in the comments.

Have you ever managed to turn a boring conversation into an interesting one? If so, what did you do?

What tips do you have to keep yourself interested and engaged in a conversation?

Good eye contact shows interest!