32. Change your enviroment ... it may be making you lonelier.
Most of us want to feel more connected, but our physical environment may be conspiring against that goal.
Data point of the week
Take where we live for an example. When choosing a home, we tend to place a lot weight on things like space, number of bedrooms, the kitchen, and maybe the yard. But other factors—that we give less consideration—have a big impact on our happiness and sense of connection. For example:
The length of your commute. What you gain in house size, you’ll lose in happiness. This study shows that cutting out a one-hour-each-way commute has the equivalent happiness boost as a $40,000 raise! Instant (time) wealth! BTW, Americans spend an average of an hour a day driving, and only half an hour socializing).
The population density. People who live in cities, in close proximity with their neighbors, are more socially engaged than people who live in suburbia. As writer David Friedlander puts it, suburbia, and much of America’s built environment, is “optimized for loneliness.”
There are some architects that design with social connection in mind, but for most, it’s not even a consideration. Yet there are hundreds of small and large ways that our physical environments promote—or undermine—connection and belonging, whether we consciously register them or not.
The type of street you live on. Which kind of residential neighborhood do you think would contribute most to your happiness: a) a dead-end street, b) a through street, or c) a cul-de-sac? If you guessed “c,” you’re right. The bagel, villainized in a previous post for excluding others at social events (because it’s hard to break into a closed circle), has been redeemed! Cul-de-sacs have less traffic, which encourages more socializing. Residents are more likely to know and befriend their neighbors, have neighborhood get-togethers, and their children are more likely play in the street together. Being friendly with—and trusting—your neighbors, boosts happiness.
Reflection
One of the colleges I worked out took social health into consideration when re-modeling their dining hall. Before the renovation there was only one seating option: long rectangular tables for eight people.
You can imagine the social anxiety caused by walking into a noisy room full of occupied tables, and not seeing a group you knew well enough to join. Or the awkwardness of sitting alone at a table for eight. The remodel included a range of seating options, for large groups, small groups, and solo diners, making it much more comfortable to enter alone.
Layout, design, lighting, the art on the walls, all contribute to our comfort, whether we interact, and if we feel we belong.
Action Step: Change to your environment to facilitate connection
Take some time to reflect on how your physical environments (home, work, social spaces) could be influencing belonging and connection. Are there changes you can make to places and spaces to make them more welcoming, inclusive, and connecting? Here are a few ideas:
If you like being surrounded by people, you might feel more connected working or studying in a busy coffee shop rather than alone.
If you crave deep, uninterrupted conversations, find quiet, peaceful spaces to meet.
If you meet with people in your office, try walking in with fresh eyes. How might a stranger—especially someone with different identities than yours—feel in your space? Are there ways you could change the layout or decor to feel more welcoming?
Think about the public spaces in your community. Who feels welcome—and unwelcome—in them? Are there ways to encourage dialogue about how to make the design and atmosphere more inclusive and connecting? For example, are there ways to build in areas that invite interaction? Places to display community members’ artwork? Create a mural?
Check out the report, Connecting IRL: How the Built Environment Can Foster Social Health, for more ideas.
Questions to reflect on or to spark conversation. Please share your responses in the comments—we love hearing from you!
How would you describe your go-to spaces for getting together with friends? What makes them conducive to connection?
What cues in the physical environment have made you feel a greater or lesser sense of belonging?
If you feel like a fish out of water, it may be a signal to change your environment.