107. Have deeper conversations
Wondering what to talk about? Look no further!
If you’re bored by small talk, despise superficial chit chat, but aren’t sure what to talk about, today’s post is for you!
Data point of the week
Matthias Mehl, a psychologist at the University of Arizona, conducted a study to assess the impact of participants’ conversational styles on their happiness and well-being. Participants wore a device that recorded 30-second snippets of conversation every 12 minutes or so, over the course of four days. This created what Dr. Mehl calls “an acoustic diary” that researchers later went through, classifying each snippet as either small talk, or deeper conversation.
The researchers found that having less small talk—and more substantial conversations—was associated with higher levels of happiness and well-being.
The happiest participants spent 25% less time alone and 70% more time talking overall, compared to the least happy participants. The happiest participants also had twice as many deep conversations and engaged in only a third of the amount of small talk.
Dr. Mehl suggests that deeper conversations are more meaningful and help us feel more connected to our conversational partners … and connection is “a core fundamental foundation of happiness.”
Reflection
From an anecdotal standpoint, I can verify that small talk does cause misery 😂. At least for me. And deep conversation does generate connection and a sense of well-being.
But it’s not just me. In one of my favorite studies of all time, the researchers identified having a confidant—or someone to talk to about deep things—was the single most important factor in protecting against depression (out of 106 factors studied).
So, think about skipping the small talk and guiding the conversation into deeper waters. If you’re not sure what to talk about, download the FREE Conversation Buffet Menu for a fun, and deeper, conversation.
Connection Skill & Action Step: Have deeper conversations.
This practice is for you IF:
You don’t know what to talk about and are searching for interesting topics.
You want a fun way to get to know a friend better.
You're tired of having terrible conversations on dates (as many of my single friends complain about).
You frustrated with monosyllabic grunts or staring a screens at dinner, and want to have a lively conversation with your family.
You want to host a memorable gathering with a few friends.
To try this out, simply download the Conversation Buffet Menu, and invite a friend or small group to try it out with you. As with any buffet, you can pick and choose what appeals to you most.
And, just like you wouldn’t eat an entire meal before anyone else started theirs, take turns sharing. Have everyone respond to one menu item before moving on to the next. Yes, there’s some lighter fare on the menu … but feel free to go straight to the main course, skip to dessert, or whatever you choose!
If you’re looking for more topics to talk about and spark great conversations, you can purchase our Connection Cards.
Questions to reflect on or to spark conversation. Please share your responses in the comments—we love hearing from you!
Do you struggle with what to talk about?
How do you feel about small talk vs. deeper conversations?
Of course good conversation also means having (and being) a good listener!