46. The impacts of feeling unwanted and Roe vs. Wade

Heads up – today’s blog post explores controversial opinions related to Roe vs. Wade.

Often missing in the Roe. vs. Wade debate is the impact this decision has on the future quality of life of the unborn child.

What would it mean to have tens or hundreds of thousands* of children born to parents that don’t want them and/or aren’t in a good place to raise them?

*(There were 625, 346 legal abortions in the U.S. in 2019)

Data point of the week
In the early 1990s, the U.S. experienced a sharp decline in crime rates. Homicide rates fell by 40% and other violent crimes by more than 30%. Several explanations have been put forward, including changes in incarceration and policing strategies.

However, economist Steven D. Levitt offers a different explanation. Crime rates began to fall roughly eighteen years after abortion was legalized. The states that allowed abortion in 1970 experienced a drop in crime three years earlier than the states that didn’t legalize abortion until Roe vs. Wade in 1973.

Levitt argues that abortion reduced the number of children at disproportionately high risk of committing crimes. Growing up as an unwanted child is itself a risk factor. And women who have abortions are more likely to be teenagers, lack a potential co-parent, have low incomes, and have poor education—all additional risk factors. You can read the full study here.

Reflection
What are the implications of the Roe vs. Wade decision on connection and mental health?

While many children born under ambivalent, unwanted, or even traumatic circumstances end up being loved and cared for, limiting access to abortion will certainly mean that there are far more children who grow up feeling unwanted, unloved, and like they don’t belong.

There is a demonstrated clear causal relationship between Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)—including feeling unloved—and a heightened risk for physical and mental health problems later in life, such as depression and suicide attempts.

The quality of our early attachments to caregivers has a lasting impact on our ability to feel safe, trust others, and develop the skills needed to form positive relationships as adults, which in turn shapes our quality of life.

I am pro-love. I am pro parents wanting to be parents, and wanting their child(ren). I believe that every child deserves to be wanted, loved, taken care of, and have access to resources to lead a fulfilling life.

We can take a pro-love stance with adults too, to help them feel wanted and cared for.

Connection Skill & Action Step: Help people feel wanted
You’ve probably had the experience of feeling left out, or like you didn’t belong. It’s not a good feeling. This week, think about what you can do to actively help people feel wanted … in your friendship, in a group, in your school or workplace. Here are a few ideas to get you started.

• Saying:

  • “I’m so glad you’re here”

  • “It’s so nice to see you!”

  • “I missed you”

  • “I’m so glad we’re friends”

  • “You add so much to this team”

• Being genuinely excited to see them and showing it

• Actively listening to them, giving your full attention, showing interest

• Actively including them, for example, “I saved you a seat. Come sit with us.”

• Expressing what you appreciate and value about them, or how they have made a difference to you.

Tip: Generic messages directed at all employees, or all students—such as, “Thank you for your hard work,” “You matter,” or “You belong”—may not feel particularly meaningful unless they are paired with personal feedback.

Questions (Please share in the comments):

Looking back, is there anything that stands out to you that someone did that made you feel wanted—or like you belonged—in that group or setting?

How do you—or can you—help people feel wanted and create a sense of belonging in a group or space?