53. When overreacting helps (and when it hurts)
Photo by smrm1977
Data point of the week
According to evolutionary psychologists, overreacting may be a byproduct of evolution, originating from self-protective behavior.
When we overreact, we’re demonstrating that we won’t tolerate even the smallest of potential threats. If we develop an image as someone who doesn’t care about being treated unfairly, we may make ourselves the target of future exploitation or mistreatment. In that light, overreacting is taking a stand and nipping the problem in the bud.
Reflection
Of course, there’s a downside to overreacting. It can seriously damage relationships. And an overblown reaction in front of strangers spreads negativity (and is embarrassing for everyone).
The other day my partner and I were walking down the street and a group of people stopped in front of us to chat, blocking the whole sidewalk. Someone came up behind us and aggressively muttered “Let’s not block the sidewalk! Talk about clueless!” It was the sidewalk version of road rage and left me feeling bad about the state of humanity in general, and for the people who’d just been verbally dumped on.
But the real reason this topic is on my mind is that my own fuse is a little short these days. I’m feeling over-stretched and need to work a little harder to not overreact … and hope other people give me a little grace when I’m not my best self.
We all go through rocky, stressed-out periods when we could use a little extra understanding.
Connection Skill & Action Step: Take a pause
If you feel reactive, irritable, or snappy, practice lengthening your fuse. Here are a few ideas.
Take a deep breath (or several). This can calm down your nervous system and insert a pause between the precipitant and your reaction
Count to 10 or do some math. This activates your prefrontal cortex and can take you out of a more emotional amygdala response
Give the person who annoyed or upset you the benefit of the doubt. Rather than making up a negative story about them, make up a more generous story, such as, “maybe it was a mistake” or “maybe they’re having a hard day.”
Questions (Please share your responses in the comments):
What tips and tricks do you have to prevent yourself from overreacting?
Have there been times you’ve “overreacted” in a way that felt healthy, in order to set a boundary?
