13. Remember (and use) People’s Name
It’s awkward when you forget—or never quite learn—someone’s name. Especially if you see them regularly. Jimmy Fallon’s sketch on this is so funny because it’s rings true (sharing again in case you missed it last time).
What? Connection Factoid.
Neuroscience research shows that our brain treats our own name very differently from other words. Specific regions—related to self-awareness and social cognition—light up, as if your brain is saying, “Pay attention—this is about you!”
Hearing your name instantly grabs your focus. Think about being in a crowded room, full of conversation. It’s all background garble, but your name, spoken from across the room, cuts through the noise.
Beyond capturing attention, using someone’s name builds trust, rapport and connection. It’s a simple way to signal that the interaction is personal, not generic.
So What?
Using someone’s name is especially meaningful to people who are often overlooked—quieter people, service providers, marginalized groups. It says: I see you. You’re a person. You matter.
“A person’s name is, to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language.”
Of course, to use someone’s name, we have to remember it first. We all have moments of “Oh no, I’m drawing a complete blank!” or “Oh #$%^&, did I get their name right? Like all connection skills, it gets easier with practice.
Now What? Connection Practice: Remember (and use) people’s names
To Connect:
When you meet someone new , actively commit their name to memory using the strategies below—then use it early and often.
Focus. Most name-related memory problems are actually attention problems (like asking someone’s name but being too anxious to take in their response). Try to slow down, be present, and really listen during introductions.
Meet and Repeat. Repeat the name to yourself to commit it to memory. Or say it back immediately: “Nice to meet you (name).”
Associate. Link their name to something familiar, like a friend or famous person with the same name, or something that rhymes with their name. Get creative—invent song lyrics, or a memorable visual to make it stick.
Review. Repeat names at the end of the day to help move them into long-term memory.
If you forget, ask again. Sooner rather than later—the longer you wait, the more awkward it gets to ask.
To Build Connection:
Make introductions. When someone new joins your team/group, introduce them to people. Build introductions into the start of meetings (at least 3X).
Use people’s names when you speak to them (this helps other people remember too).
Use name tags. When people don’t know each other well, the visual reminder is helpful. And creative name tags can help facilitate meaningful interactions.
Orient people to names and roles by sharing directories with photos, or org charts.
What About You? Please share your responses in the comments—we love hearing from you!
What tips and tricks have helped you—or your team—remember names?
When you’ve been part of a group/team that didn’t bother with names, how did it impact the dynamics?
If you want people to remember YOUR name,
make your introduction memorable.