28. Initiate Quick Connections
Photo by Ketut Subiyanto
We humans are notoriously bad at predicting what will make us happy. Here’s something we *think* we’ll hate, but actually makes us happier…
Data point of the week
Researchers Juliana Schroeder and Nicholas Epley decided to delve into why “strangers in close proximity routinely ignore each other” and the impact this has on their mood.
They conducted a series of experiments, with three groups of participants. Group 1 was instructed to interact with strangers (such as on a train or in a waiting room), group 2 was told not to interact, and group 3 was to behave as they normally would. Here’s what they found:
Most people predicted they would have a more positive experience if they kept to themselves.
In reality, participants enjoyed themselves more—and were no less productive—when they struck up conversation.
Participants who were talked to had equally positive experiences as those who were instructed to talk.
Reflection
As an introvert, I very rarely strike up conversation with strangers on a train, plane, or in a waiting room. In fact, I’m quick to put in earbuds, a.k.a. the universal signal for “not open to conversation.” So, this study intrigued me.
One of the reasons participants gave for keeping to themselves was the perception that others don’t want to be intruded upon. (Okay, sometimes that perception is accurate).
It feels a little taboo to strike up conversation with a stranger, like violating a social norm. It’s easier not to interact. Yet when I do strike up conversation or engage in a small, friendly exchange, it really does give me a little positivity burst.
These are little touch points as we go about our day. They only take a minute or two (hence, quick connections). They’re small, but mighty, because they humanize in a de-humanizing world. They say, “I see you. You’re a person,” not just a transaction or a blob taking up space next to me.
Quick connections don’t just apply to interacting with strangers. How often do we jump immediately into business with colleagues, or navigating schedules, details, and decisions with family members? A few minutes of quick connection first can make a big difference.
Connection Skill & Action Step: Initiate quick connections.
To practice quick connections, look for opportunities to engage in brief, friendly (humanizing) interactions. Here are a few ideas:
Strike up conversation with strangers in check-out lines, waiting rooms, on public transportation, etc.
Smile at people you encounter on walks, or when you’re out. Make a comment about something around you, the day, or compliment them, “I love your shoes!”
Say hi to your neighbors. Make an effort to be friendly with the people in your building or on your street. Learn their names, and their kids names, and their dogs names (and remember to use them).
Questions to reflect on or to spark conversation. Please share your responses in the comments—we love hearing from you!
Have you ever been pleasantly surprised by enjoying an interaction with a stranger? How do you feel about it in general?
