29. Strengthen your empathy muscle.

I was talking with a friend recently about a trend I’ve noticed in the past few years … a general increase in hostility, rudeness, and disregard for others’ humanity. Road rage for example. Or canceling people. Have you noticed this trend? Or tell me if you disagree (please), because I’m deeply worried that our empathy is being eroded—and what that means for our future.

Data point of the week
A study of American college students from 1979 to 2009 found that there was a steep decline (of 48%) in “empathic concern” between 2000 and 2009. At the same time compassion for the misfortunes of others dropped, narcissism rose.

In a more recent study by the United Way, Americans reported a 14% overall drop in empathy during the pandemic … but this decline was particularly acute for women (19%) compared to men (8%). Respondents reported feeling emotionally exhausted and burnt out from the flood of negative news.   

 
Reflection
I can relate to being burnt out on the news! There are other trends threatening our empathy as well.

Empathy involves trying to see/understand people as whole, complex, 3-dimensional human beings. That takes time and emotional effort.

The news and social media are moving in the opposite direction. The news is cut into short, sensationalized snippets designed to hold our attention. Or we curate 2-dimensional snapshots of our lives on social media, to present the highlights reel, or at least a fragment of a more complicated reality.

YouTube and social media algorithms are based on viewer engagement—the more something is viewed/commented on, the more people they’ll put it in front of. And extremist, fear-based content is most likely to hold attention and get reactions. These algorithms are driving divisiveness. It’s scary!

Even broader cultural trends that elevate individualism prime us to constantly think about ourselves. Unfortunately, the more self-focused we are, the more likely we are to be depressed. It’s no coincidence that as empathy decreases, loneliness, anxiety, and depression increase.

What worries me most is that lack of empathy leads to dehumanization, and dehumanization can lead to violence. We need to connect with people to understand their perspectives and to care about them. Empathy is essential for resolving personal and global problems, conflicts, and rifts. 

Fortunately, empathy can be taught, practiced, and strengthened.

Painting by Kateryna Kovarzh

Connection Skill & Action Step: Strengthen your empathy muscle.

Want to strengthen your empathy muscle? Here are a few ideas:

• Check out this <3-minute video on empathy by Brené Brown.

• Be slow to judge. In the era of cancel culture, we’re quick to write people off based on one piece of information, mistake, or misstep. Try to dig a little deeper.  Learn more to understand other people’s experiences and perspectives.

• Consume long-form content such as books, movies, or TV series with strong character-development. There’s evidence that longer, deeper content builds empathy.

• Have meaningful conversations. Ask deeper questions.

• Get certified as a ProjectConnect facilitator. You’ll be able to run groups that build connection—and empathy—in your school, college, workplace, or other setting.

  Questions to reflect on or to spark conversation. As always, I’d love to hear your comments and responses to these questions—please post to my blog!

  
  Do you think there’s been a change in empathy over the last decade? What have you noticed?
  What do you think can be done to increase empathy?