21. Align Your Time With Your Priorities
Data point of the week
Palliative care nurse, Bronnie Ware, spent 8 years providing care for people as they were dying. It struck her that—as her patients reflected back on their lives—there were common themes to their regrets. This led to her writing the best-selling book The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.
One of those regrets is “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends more.”
Bronnie shares that “There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved.”
Reflection
If you asked people what's most important to them, the majority would probably say their family and friends. But when you look at how people actually spend their time, it's a different picture!
That’s true for me too.
There’s a seemingly endless number of demands on our time that don't feel meaningful, but still need to be done. Dishes, laundry, hours on the phone with Verizon trying to figure out why my calls keep dropping, etc. Is it just me or does “life maintenance” (not to mention maintenance of my deteriorating body) take up more and more time?
Though let's be real, I do spend a not-insignificant amount of time collapsed on the couch to watch the show du jour. Nothing wrong with that, but chances are, I won't regret having missed a season of The Bear when I'm on my deathbed (even though it's SO good … and I somehow forgot to include TV in my “reality” pie chart. Oops.)
No matter how busy you are, there's always a little wiggle room to prioritize one thing by deprioritizing something else. Regardless of whether or not you decide to make changes, going through this exercise can offer some illuminating insights.
Connection Skill & Action Step: Align Your Time With Your Priorities
This exercise helps you assess what's most important to you and how that does—or doesn’t—align with how you’re spending your time.
Take a few minutes to jot down a list of your priorities, in no particular order. What is most important to you that you want to make sure to spend time on this year? Where does investing in relationships fall on that list?
Now write a percentage beside each item, roughly representing what percentage of your time you’d like to dedicate to each item.
If you’re a visual person, you can make a pie chart and create appropriately sized slices for each priority. Or, arrange your priorities in a ranked list from most important to least important.
Next, think about how you spent your time—on average—over the last two weeks. Create a list of what you typically spend time on.
Write a percentage beside each item, roughly representing the percentage of time you spend on each item. Turn this into a pie chart or ranked list.
Compare the overlap and discrepancies between your priorities and how you spend your time.
What comes up for you when you compare the two lists/images? What changes—if any—would you like to make to more closely align your time with your priorities?
Questions to reflect on or to spark conversation. Please share your responses in the comments—we love hearing from you!
What do you want to prioritize and spend more time on this year?
What would you like to spend less time on?
Where does friendship fall on your list of priorities?
What changes can you make to get closer alignment between your time and your priorities?
Pets may not share our priorities!