Data point of the week
Most people believe that anxiety is A BAD THING that interferes with performance—whether it’s an interview, a date, an exam, etc. However, several studies have shown that it’s not anxiety that harms our performance, it’s our anxiety about feeling anxious that does! How we interpret and react to our nerves makes a big difference.

Imagine a high-pressure situation. (Researchers like to subject their subjects to what’s call a “social stress test” such as giving an impromptu speech or a karaoke performance—in front of judges of course. Fun!) You’re likely to feel your heart race, your mouth go dry, butterflies in your stomach, sweaty palms, etc.

As soon as you clock these stress-response signals, your “meta-emotions” kick in. That’s how you feel about how you’re feeling. For example, your stress about feeling stressed. Most people—as they’re preparing for their speech—notice their nerves and think, “Oh #$%^&*!, I’m feeling anxious!” and then try to calm themselves down by taking a few deep breaths.

It turns out that the “Oh #$%^&*!” meta-emotion isn’t helpful (not surprising). And neither is trying to calm down (surprising!). That’s because:

1. When you’re in a state of high physiological arousal (pre-performance jitters), it’s difficult to transition quickly to the opposite physiological state of low arousal (calm). And,

2. When you’re mentally wrapped up in trying to suppress anxiety, calm down, or otherwise mange yourself, you’re essentially multi-tasking and drawing attention away from fully engaging in the task at hand.

3. A more effective approach is to interpret your nerves as A GOOD THING.

A series of studies show that when nerves show up (before the social stress test), participants that tell themselves “I’m excited!” rather than “I’m anxious” or nothing at all, perform better and are rated as more confident by independent judges. This works because “excited” fits with the signs of high physiological arousal they’re experiencing and frames it as a positive, rather than fighting to change to a completely different state.

Another study shows that participants who read a short paragraph that instructs them to interpret their nerves as an aid—rather than hindrance—to their performance and states that “stress doesn't hurt performance. People who feel anxious during a test actually do better” scored significantly higher in the math section of the GRE compared to participants given no instruction.

Reflection
A quick transformation of anxiety into excitement—or even the more neutral “nerves”—sounds great!

This is a highly relevant topic for me at the moment, because I’ve been experiencing a lot of “nerves” related to traveling to TX for an in-person training (traveling alone makes me anxious—so many logistics, so much that could go wrong!) So, I’m writing this to remind myself that I’m excited! It’s a fantastic opportunity! I love doing in-person trainings. There’s so much energy in the room. I get to hear the laughter and witness people connecting, which I can’t do when people are in Zoom breakout rooms.

Aren’t we often nervous and excited about the same things? When I focus on the excitement side—before giving a talk or doing something else I’m nervous about—it helps me get out of my head and be more present. It doesn’t make the “nerves” go away (if you try this strategy, your heart will still race and you’ll still have butterflies)… but it helps me stop focusing on them.

Connection Skill & Action Step: Re-frame anxiety as excitement

To try this strategy, pay attention to when you experience nerves, and:

• Instead of trying to relax or calm down, tell yourself, “I’m excited!” “I’m pumped!” “I’m psyched!” “You’ve got this!” or your own words to that effect.

• Or, tell yourself, “Don’t worry about feeling nervous, because nerves actually improve performance.”

• Instead of trying to suppress your stress, remind yourself that your physiological reaction is helping you rise to the challenge by giving you extra energy and focus. Try to channel that extra energy into the task at hand.

If you want to dig a little deeper, check out this TED Talk “How to Make Stress Your Friend” by Kelly McGonigal.

This strategy helps in socially stressful situations, and can also be used any time you feel performance “nerves,” such as a presentation, public performance, interview, competition, exam, difficult conversation, etc.

 
Questions to reflect on or to spark conversation. Please share your responses in the comments.

What do you do to help you get through social nerves?