90. Leverage your connection superpowers
Data point of the week
It is far more effective—and enjoyable—to leverage your existing areas of strength rather than trying to strengthen areas of weakness. Here are a few research-backed benefits of focusing on strengths:
It will make you happier, healthier, less stressed, and more confident.
You’ll experience faster growth, be more creative, and have a greater sense of meaning.
You’ll be more engaged at work and more satisfied with your life overall.
Reflection
Have you ever been in a role where you were operating outside of your zone of strength? I have, and it wasn’t fun. I felt chronically stressed, uncomfortable, inadequate, like I didn’t belong, like an imposter … you get the idea. Not surprisingly, I burned out of that job at record speed!
The same is true in our social lives. When we’re leveraging our strengths (a.k.a. connection superpowers) socializing feels fun, easy, and rewarding. When we’re in a social situation that taps into our weaknesses (connection kryptonite) it feels awkward, uncomfortable, and exhausting.
Trying new things, and even working to strengthen areas of weakness can help us stretch and grow, but if most of your time is spent stretching, it hard to reach a point of feeling comfortable and confident … and over-stretching can even erode confidence.
I like to think of it as a stretch-to-strength ratio with the ideal being around 80-20. 80% of the time spent leveraging strengths, and 20% spent stretching. My current reality is probably more like 60-40 … and when I was younger, practically everything felt like a stretch!
Photo credit Tibor Kercz. Stretch vs. strength could also be called climb vs. perch!
Regardless of your current ratio, reflecting on—and identifying ways to leverage—your unique connection superpowers can build your social confidence and help you deeper connection. My blog, 101 Ways to Create Connection and Community, now has 90 posts with 90 different connection skills/action steps. No one can be good at all 90. But you are sure to be great at some.
Leveraging your strengths generally leads to greater results/impact for less effort.
Connection Skill & Action Step: Focus on your connection superpowers.
Spend time reflecting on your strengths: Are you a great host? Do you introduce people to each other and help them make connections? Are you a good listener? Do you make people laugh? Are you the one who always lends a helping hand when your friends need it?
Write down 3-5 of areas of strength. These are your social superpowers. They probably don’t feel like superpowers to you because they come easily, but don’t undervalue them. If you’re struggling to come up with 3-5 things, think about what your friends, family, and co-workers would say your social strengths are … or ask them.
Choose one of your superpowers and brainstorm (in writing) about how you can practice it more in your day-to-day life.
Questions to reflect on or to spark conversation. Please share your responses in the comments.
What is one of your connection superpowers? When’s the last time you used it?
What types of social situations are kryptonite for you, and what types of situations bring out your connection superpowers? (Can you do less of the former and more of the latter?)
