63. Is your social diet leaving you starving?

Data point of the week
According to anthropologist Robin Dunbar, we’re only able to maintain stable relationships with about 150 people. This is known as “Dunbar’s number,” and refers to the amount of social complexity the human brain is able to manage. His theory includes layers of relationships: about 5 inner circle loved ones, 15 good friends, 50 friends, 150 meaningful contacts, and 500 acquaintances.

Of course, there is wide variability between individuals. And findings from the American Perspectives Survey show that the number of close friendships Americans have has declined dramatically over the past couple decades. Between 1990 and 2021, the number of people who have no close friends outside of family members has quadrupled, while the number of people with five or more close friends has dropped by almost half.

Reflection
When it comes to the mental health benefits of connection, quality is more important than quantity. This is something I mentioned in my TEDx talk a couple weeks ago. (Yup, THAT happened!!!)

From the talk:

Think about the sum of your relationships and interactions as your social diet … and think about the kind of nutrition you’re getting.

Most of us know more people than ever before, have more friends and followers on social media, and we can connect with anyone, anywhere, anytime. We have tons of access. Kind of like being at a 24/7 all-you-can-eat connection buffet.

But a lot of the interactions we’re having are shorter and shallower. Like empty calories.

I love empty calories as much as anyone, but if that becomes the bulk of your diet, you may find yourself feeling nutritionally deprived.

Loneliness is a signal, like hunger pains, that we’re missing something we vitally need.

Think about the kind of interactions that feed you (your broccoli!) and how you can work more of that into your social diet.

Connection Skill & Action Step: Improve your social nutrition
Take a few minutes to reflect on your social diet and the kind of nutrition you’re getting. Do you have interactions with people that leave you feeling unsatisfied? What relationships have the potential to be more nourishing? Are you happy with your current social diet? If you would like to improve it, what step(s) can you take to add more nutrition?

We all have different social nutritional needs, but for most people, the mental health benefits of connection come from:

• Longer, face-to-face interactions

• With someone who is giving you their full attention

• And who cares about you and shares about themselves
  

Questions (Please share your responses in the comments):
How does the metaphor of nutrition fit in terms of reflecting on the quality of your relationships?
Are there any relationships you’d like to invest more—or less—time and energy in to improve your social diet?