62. The upside of sharing your downside
Data point of the week
A 2020 British study looked at health data from over 100,000 patients to evaluate the impact of 106 different factors on depression. The purpose of the study was to find key areas to target in prevention efforts, so it only looked at modifiable factors—that are within our ability to change—rather than more fixed genetic or environmental factors.
Of the 106 factors studied, confiding in others emerged as the strongest protection against depression, even among at-risk individuals. The researchers concluded that trusted social connections actively prevent depression.
The research shows a clear “dose-response relationship,” meaning the higher the dose (amount) of social connection, the lower the risk of depression.
Reflection
Whether it’s on social media or in our daily interactions with people, we often want to present the “best” version of ourselves. If everyone does the same, we only see the curated version of other people and start to assume that everyone else is having a great life.
This increases isolation.
We compare our insides to other people’s outsides … even though we know better. When we’re feeling down, it seems like we’re the only ones who (fill in the blank). We feel alone in our struggles because we haven’t shared them with anyone, and no one else is sharing theirs either.
If we keep it to ourselves when we’re having a hard time, how can anyone support us?
I worry that we’re transferring our need for support outside of our natural social networks. The things we used to share with our friends might now be reserved for therapy … or soon AI (artificial intelligence). I just heard a podcast on the creation of AI friends as a solution to the problem of loneliness. Scary. Especially since it was posed as a great idea. I’m afraid AI friendship would make people feel even lonelier. And therapy can be incredibly valuable, but ideally it compliments social support rather than replaces it.
Share your shadow … it might shrink. National Geographic picture of the year.
Connection Skill & Action Step: Share a Struggle
Sharing the full picture of how you’re doing—including the things you’re struggling with—can increase the level of support you receive and help other people feel less alone in their struggles. This week, make an effort to share how you’re really doing and what’s on your mind. For example:
When you’re grappling with negative thoughts, feelings, or experiences, share them with a friend.
Present a more realistic representation of your life on social media including ups and downs. Post something you’re struggling with.
Ask people deeper questions about how they’re doing (and listen).
Questions (Please share your responses in the comments):
Do you think there’s been a change in how—and where—people seek support?
What makes you feel comfortable enough to share a struggle with a friend?