Friendship Tip #80. Practice warm greetings to connect instantly
You might think that how people feel about you is based on the sum total of your interactions and history with them. But some moments carry much more weight than others. This post covers which moments to focus on.
Data point of the week
According to Vanessa Van Edwards, founder of Science Of People, first impressions are everything.
“We can’t emphasize enough the power of the first 7 seconds of any interaction you have.”
She conducted a study analyzing why some TED Talks are viewed millions of times … and others aren’t. The conclusion?
“ According to our ratings, people had already made their first impression and decision about the entire talk in the first 7 seconds of the video.”
Edwards believes this is true of in-person interactions as well. The first few seconds shape how the other person feels about us and predict how the rest of the interaction will go.
The importance of the first few seconds was highlighted in a completely different study that looked at the impact of how middle school teachers started their classes. The study found that when teachers welcomed students at the door—and acknowledged them with a positive greeting (such as a smile and their name)—students’ academic engagement increased by 20% and disruptive behavior decreased by 9%!
Clearly, warm welcomes have a big impact!
Reflection
In my last college job, I worked with a student who was incredibly popular … to the point of achieving campus celebrity status. Everyone knew him and loved him! Given my single-minded focus on uncovering the active ingredients of connection, I started to pay closer attention to his interactions. What was he doing that had such a powerful effect on people?
What stood out most was the way he greeted people. Whenever we bumped into each other, his greeting was big, warm, and enthusiastic. By taking just a few seconds to express that he was happy to see someone, he made them feel liked. And who doesn’t want to feel liked? It was always fun to run into him!
We like people who like us. So, if you want to be liked, show liking.
It’s hard to maintain that level of enthusiasm and positivity for an entire interaction, but it seems the first few seconds matter most. Dogs have mastered this! They front-load their enthusiasm into the first few seconds of greeting, making their owners feel loved.
Our pup, Iggy, can’t contain his excitement when we come home!
Connection Skill & Action Step: Practice Enthusiastic Greetings
Focus on being warm and enthusiastic in the first few seconds of your interactions.
Meeting people for the first time, smile, make eye contact, and let them know you’re happy to meet them. Make an effort to be friendly and welcoming. Show interest by asking a question about them.
With friends, show that you’re excited to see them when you get together.
At work, when you cross paths with co-workers, greet them warmly using their name. Infuse a little enthusiasm into your voice. A simple, “Hey name! Nice to see you!”
At home, make a conscious effort to greet and connect with your partner/family members in the first few moments after returning home. Giving them your full attention for the first few minutes can set the tone for the next few hours.
Questions. Please share your responses in the comments. I love hearing from you!
Is there anyone in your life who is particularly good at warm greetings? How do you think it affects your interactions and how you feel about them?
