61. The way we socialize has changed—and it’s making us lonelier

Data point of the week
Robert Putnam brought public awareness to loneliness and the disintegration of social ties in the U.S. with his seminal book, Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community.

In it, he makes the point that since the ‘70s there has been a decline in Americans’ engagement in social pastimes (playing sports, hosting dinners, participating in groups/clubs) and an increase in passive pastimes (watching TV, attending a sports game).

Specifically, having friends over dropped 35% between 1975 and 2003. (Sorry, I couldn’t find more current data).

chart showing decline of having people over for dinner

Graph by Claude Fischer


Reflection
I love having people over … it’s just that it’s sooo much work. There’s the cleaning AND the cooking, neither of which I particularly enjoy. And the food is supposed to actually taste good, which is a lot of pressure!

 
 
 
 


The appeal of passive pastimes is that all you have to do is sit on the couch. Or show up. But I do miss the days of hanging out and watching a show with friends (being passive and social?).

It is possible to make hosting easier? I’m all for breaking out of the “guest/host” mentality and accepting that the house may be a little messy and that there may only be a couple of snack options. It’s about spending time together, right? But … my partner has higher standards than I do 😏!

Having a potluck or rotating hosting through a circle of friends can also help reduce the work involved. What ideas do you have?

Connection Skill & Action Step: Host a meal or get-together
Spending time together builds connection. When you invite people into your home, it’s often cozier and more personal (not to mention cheaper) than going out together. You can also host a gathering at work. Consider inviting people to:

  • Have a meal or potluck

  • Watch a show

  • Play games

  • Do a craft activity

  • Discuss an interesting topic


Questions (Please share your responses in the comments):
Do you enjoy having people over? What do you do to make hosting fun? Is there a particularly memorable occasion of being a guest or host that sticks out to you?

Parrot feeding dog spaghetti

Feeding your guests doesn’t have to be complicated!

connection, relationship-buildingJessica Giffordhost2 Comments