61. Host something.
How we spend our time outside of work has changed A LOT in the last 50 years … and it’s making us lonelier. We now spend dramatically less time interacting and connecting and more time alone.
Data point of the week
Robert Putnam brought public awareness to loneliness and the disintegration of social ties in the U.S. with his seminal book, Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community.
In it, he makes the point that since the ‘70s there has been a decline in Americans’ engagement in active social pastimes, such as playing sports, hosting dinners, and participating in groups/clubs. There’s been a simultaneous increase in passive pastimes, such as watching TV or attending a sports game. In a passive pastime, we may be with other people—watching a show or game—but we’re not interacting. And much of our entertainment has moved from outside the home, to inside the home.
We’re also inviting fewer people into our home. Putnam notes that there was a 35% drop in having friends over between 1975 and 2000. This decline has continued. In the article, The Anti-Social Century, Derek Thompson notes that time spent hosting or attending social events has declined by an additional 32% since 2000.
Graph by Claude Fischer
Reflection
I love having people over … it’s just that it’s sooo much work. There’s the cleaning AND the cooking, neither of which I particularly enjoy, especially with the added goal of trying to make food that tastes good! The pressure to be the hostess with the mostest makes me host less!
The appeal of passive pastimes is that you don’t have to do anything but sit on the couch. Or show up. But I miss the days of hanging out and watching a show with friends, turning passive solo time into passive social time.
It is possible to host/hostess with less stress? I’m all for keeping things informal and accepting that the house may be a little messy. It’s about spending time together, right?
Connection Skill & Action Step: Host a get-together
Getting together builds connection. When you invite people into your home, it’s often cozier and more personal (not to mention cheaper) than going out together. You can also host a gathering at work. Here are a few ideas to keep things low stress:
Have a potluck to share the effort of cooking. Or just have after dinner drinks and snacks/desserts instead of a full meal.
Rotate hosting through a circle of friends, so you get together weekly or monthly, but only have to host when it’s your turn.
Not sure what to talk about or do? Download the “Conversation Buffet Menu” for a fun, engaging conversation. Or play games. Or watch a show.
Questions to reflect on or to spark conversation.
How do you feel about having people over? Do you feel pressure to be the hostess with the mostest, or can you host with less stress?
Planning to host something? Download the Conversation Buffet Menu to keep conversation flowing and have a great time!
Feeding your guests doesn’t have to be complicated!