66. The introvert/extrovert interviews

Data point of the week
An estimated 30-50% of the population are introverts.

Carl Jung initially coined the terms “extrovert” and “introvert” in the early twentieth century. He wrote that introverts get exhausted by social interaction, while extroverts get anxious when left alone. Introverts need time alone to recharge, while extroverts are energized by socializing.

In her book Quiet, Susan Cain notes that the world (or at least this corner of it) is designed for extroverts. Extroverted ways of being have become the established norm, leaving little room for (or sometimes actively devaluing) introverted ways of being. This is not only a disservice to introverts, it also deprives the world of introverts’ creativity, innovation, and valuable thought leadership.

Cain points out that despite the cultural elevation of extroversion, professionals who rise to the highest levels in their fields (musicians, chess players, athletes) spend more time practicing alone than in groups. Open office plans—deigned to encourage social interaction—dramatically decrease productivity. Group brainstorming sessions generate fewer ideas of lower quality than the same number of people generating ideas on their own.

There are times when working alone is more powerful and productive than working in groups, and vice versa. And there are ways to collaborate and include multiple perspectives that don’t involve working in a group.

Reflection
There are a lot of different interpretations—and inaccurate assumptions—of what it means to be introverted or extroverted. I thought it would be fun do a series of interviews that went beyond stereotypes to explore people’s more nuanced experiences of introversion and extroversion.

Today’s reflection comes from those conversations and responses to a Facebook post. Thank you to Denise McGoldrick, Dorothy Jones, Ben Thompson, Danielle Pedalaborde, and Karen Lee Miller for your time and insights!

Myth: Introversion/extroversion are fixed or permanent personality traits.
Reality: Many people spoke of their style of relating—and their social needs and alone time needs—changing over time, through the pandemic, after having children, or simply as they evolved.

Myth: It’s easy to tell who’s an introvert and who’s an extrovert.
Reality: Most of the people I spoke with had the experience of other people identifying them differently from how they identified themselves. In most cases self-identified introverts were frequently labeled as extroverts because they seemed at ease in social situations. Which leads to the next myth…

Myth: Introverts are shy, socially awkward, or socially anxious.
Reality: These words are often used interchangeably with introvert. And introverts can be all of the above. They can also be incredibly socially skilled and even downright talkative, leading to the confusion in the previous myth. Even Jung emphasized that introverts aren’t necessarily shy or insecure, they simply need solitude to recharge.

Myth: Extroverts are socially comfortable.
Reality: Extroverts can feel socially anxious and awkward too, they just deal with it differently (often by talking), which may make them appear more at ease.

One other thing that struck me from the interviews: a couple of extroverts shared that when socializing with introverts, they often feel that the burden of making conversation falls on them … which means that the interaction may feel more effortful than socializing with fellow extroverts. Introverts shared that socializing with extroverts can be relaxing (they don’t have to say much!), but it can also be difficult to insert themselves into the conversation.

Introversion and extroversion are not the clear-cut categories they’re made out to be. Even the “re-charging” definition is murky. For example, I’m an introvert who loves socializing … in the right amount, IF it’s balanced with alone time. I even feel recharged by certain social interactions, though drained by others. Maybe that makes me an ambivert, but I’d venture to guess that most introverts feel “fed” or “fueled” by certain types of social interactions.

Connection Skill & Action Step: Increase your introvert/extrovert sensitivity
When planning social events, group activities, or meetings, think about whether they’re inclusive of both introverts and extroverts. Create space for different ways of thinking and being. This isn’t only relevant to introverts and extroverts, but also cultural diversity, gender diversity, and neurodiversity (check out Temple Grandin’s TED talk, The world needs all kinds of minds).

Examples of ways to increase your introvert/extrovert sensitivity include:

• Provide a structured activity at a social event rather than—or in addition to—mingling or free-flowing socializing.

• Do a quick “go-around” at meetings to give everyone a chance to speak, not only those who are most comfortable/assertive.

• Invite ideas, opinions, and votes individually—such as over email—before discussing them in a group.
  

Questions (Please share your responses in the comments):

Do other people see you in the same way you see yourself on the introvert-extrovert spectrum?
What do you see at the pros and cons of being an introvert/ambivert/extrovert?