How well we sleep has a huge impact on our mental and physical health … but did you know that it also plays an important role in how lonely or connected we feel, and the quality of our relationships?

Data point of the week:
According to a Cigna study, people who report that they sleep “just the right amount” have the lowest loneliness scores. Check this out:

About a third of Americans get inadequate sleep (less than 7 hours a night).

Reflection
So loneliness and poor sleep are correlated, but how does one influence the other and vice versa? I can think of three ways:

Poor sleep makes people less likely to engage in social opportunities, as in, “I’m too tired to do anything—I’d rather just veg out on the couch.”
Tiredness reduces our emotional bandwidth and capacity to connect. When I have a bad night’s sleep, I’m crankier, less patient, and don’t have the energy to really listen and be supportive. Chronic sleep deprivation would definitely wear on my relationships! And,
Loneliness makes people sleep lightly. This is because we’re wired to be social animals—and to experience safety in numbers—particularly during the vulnerable period of sleep. When we’re lonely or isolated, and don’t have the protection of others around us, we tend to sleep “with one eye open,” and experience “micro-awakenings” throughout the night.

So, poor sleep contributes to loneliness, and loneliness contributes to poor sleep. Either way, getting better sleep can help you feel more connected.

Connection Skill & Action Step: Improve your sleep
There are a lot of things you can do to improve the quality and quantity of your sleep. It can be helpful to spend a few minutes thinking about what’s getting in the way of getting great sleep. Are there specific things you need to address or prioritize? Here are a few ideas:

Regulate your biological clock. Get outside early in the morning so that your eyes can soak in natural daylight while the sun is low on the horizon. If possible, do the same when the sun is setting. If you can’t get outside, use bright, blue-toned light in the morning, and dim, yellow-toned light in the evening. (FYI, screens emit blue light).
Unwind. If racing thoughts keep you up, try practicing a “mind dump” each night by jotting down your thoughts, worries, and unfinished tasks before going to bed. Alternatively, find an activity that helps you relax, such as reading, doing a crossword puzzle, or gratitude journaling.
Develop a sleep routine. Try to go to bed and get up at approximately the same time each day, even on weekends, and go through the same pre-sleep ritual each night, for example: brush teeth, get into pajamas, and read for 15 minutes.
Minimize mental and physical stimulants in the PM. Physical stimulants include caffeine, nicotine, vigorous exercise, and bright screens. You can also practice scheduling anything that provokes anxiety for earlier in the day, to give yourself time to relax and unwind at night. For example, block off morning time to watch the news, have that difficult conversation, plan for that presentation, etc.
Give your bedroom a sleep makeover. De-light the space by covering all light sources, from windows to electronics, and/or wear an eye mask to block out light. Reduce irregular sounds by using earplugs, a white noise machine, or reducing sound in the environment. Keep the temperature slightly cool at night. Treat yourself to comfortable sleepwear and pillows.

Questions to reflect on or to spark conversation. Please share your responses in the comments—we love hearing from you!

What’s your favorite sleep tip or insomnia hack?

23. Improve your sleep

Who we’ve worked with