28. Initiate Quick Connections
We humans are notoriously bad at predicting what will make us happy. For example, we avoid talking to strangers because we *think* it will be unpleasant—but it turns out we’re wrong.
What?
Researchers Juliana Schroeder and Nicholas Epley wanted to find out why “strangers in close proximity routinely ignore each other” and how this affects their mood.
They ran a series of experiments, with three groups of participants. Group 1 was instructed to interact with strangers (such as on a train or in a waiting room), group 2 was told not to interact, and group 3 was told to behave as they normally would. Here’s what they found:
Most people predicted they would have a more positive experience if they kept to themselves.
In reality, participants enjoyed themselves more—and were no less productive—when they struck up conversation.
Participants who were talked to had experiences just as positive as those who were instructed to talk.
So What?
As an introvert, I rarely strike up conversation with strangers—on trains, planes, automobiles, or elsewhere. In fact, I’m quick to put in my earbuds, the universal signal for “not open to conversation.” That’s why this study intrigued me.
Participants in this study said they kept to themselves because they assumed the other person didn’t want to be bothered.
Striking up a conversation with a stranger feels almost taboo—like you’re violating a social norm. It’s easier not to interact. Yet when I do have a small, friendly exchange, it gives me a little burst of positivity.
These are quick touch points as we go about our day. They’re small, but meaningful, because they humanize an often de-humanizing world. They say, “I see you. You’re a person.” Not just a transaction or a blob taking up space next to me.
Quick connections don’t just apply to interacting with strangers. How often do we jump straight into business with a co-worker, or straight into juggling logistics with family members? Taking just a few minutes to connect first can shift the whole interaction.
Now what? Initiate quick connections.
Here are a few quick connection ideas:
Strike up a conversation with strangers in checkout lines, waiting rooms, on public transportation, etc.
Say hi to your neighbors. Make an effort to be friendly with the people in your building or on your street. Learn their names, their kids’ names, their dogs’ names—and use them.
Smile at people you encounter while out for a walk or running errands. Make a comment about something around you, the day, or compliment them, “I love your shoes!”
What about you? Please share your responses in the comments—we love hearing from you!
Have you ever been pleasantly surprised by an interaction with a stranger?
What’s your stance on striking up conversations with strangers?