The holidays can be a time of greater connection as family and friends come together, but for many it’s a time of heightened loneliness. We’re bombarded with messages of how connected we “should” be and are reminded that everyone else is (supposedly) oh-so-close, which exacerbates feelings of aloneness. It helps to debunk these social ideals and remind ourselves they don’t reflect most people’s experience.

And we can focus on building more connection with family, friends, and community. Today’s newsletter is about establishing rituals and traditions, which can bring us closer over the holidays and or mark other important times throughout the year.

Data point of the week
Very little research has been done on the value of rituals and traditions and most of it centers on families … but traditions also play an important role in friend groups, schools, colleges, workplaces, and communities of all kinds.

Harvard Business School researcher, Ovul Sezer, conducted a series of studies on the impact of family rituals and found that those who “performed collective rituals, compared with those who said they did not, felt closer to their families, which made the holidays more interesting, which in turn made them more enjoyable.”

The kind of ritual didn’t affect enjoyment, but the number of rituals did. Apparently, this is a case where more is better. Sezer says, “Whatever the ritual is, and however small it may seem, it helps people to really get closer to one another. Some rituals we don't even know why we do them, but they still work.”

Reflection
Rituals and traditions are often used interchangeably, so in case you’re wondering what the difference is:

A ritual is a series of actions performed in a prescribed order that have a symbolic value.
A tradition is an act, custom, or belief system that is passed along from one generation to another.

Rituals mark important moments and help them stand out (from the blur of the everyday) in our memory. With repetition a ritual can turn into a tradition.

Rituals and traditions instill a sense of belonging, connection, and shared identity. This isn’t always a good thing—think of hazing rituals, or cultural traditions based on a history of oppression. All the more reason to re-invent old traditions or create new ones.

As an adult, I have very few holiday traditions. We do something a little different each year, with one part of the family or another. So this year I was inspired to start a new tradition. My idea was that my partner and I would design a print and create a unique holiday card each year.

I’m writing off 2023 as a practice year. We may have started a little late, and it turns out potatoes are a difficult print medium for all but the most basic of designs. Also, I forgot that the print would be the mirror image of what I drew.

Oops! So, no cards, but some of our gifts will be wrapped in printed paper bags!

Connection Skill & Action Step: Establish a new tradition
Most people think that they don’t have the authority to create a tradition, or that traditions should have spontaneous origins. But the truth is, there’s nothing magical about the start of a tradition. Anyone can create one, and if it’s a good one, the magic develops over time.

Is there a particular area of your life you’d like to institute a new tradition in, and build connection? What kinds of things might bring you together? Traditions can help people bond whether they are fun and silly (games, songs, costumes), creative (making something), comforting (food), or deeply meaningful (reflection and ritual).

To increase the impact, involve the group the tradition is for in the process of creating it. Here are a few ways traditions can be implemented in different spheres of life:

Family and friend traditions: can mark holidays, birthdays, family member’s progress, achievements, etc.
Workplace traditions: can mark the end of the quarter or year, finishing a project, welcoming new employees, celebrating specific employee milestones, etc.
School or college traditions: can welcome new students, celebrate the transition to the next year, mark milestones (like finishing a thesis, or graduation), strengthen group identity (such as a major), be connected to sports or other campus events, etc.

Questions to reflect on or to spark conversation. Please share your responses in the comments—we love hearing from you!

What traditions from your past or present stand out to you? These could be family, friend, school, or workplace traditions.

Have you ever created your own tradition? How did it go?

102. Establish a tradition

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