71. Paraphrase: The secret to making people feel heard
Data point of the week
Gallup has studied 2.7 million workers across more than 100,000 teams, and has identified 12 factors that lead to job satisfaction, engagement, and peak performance. Of the 12, at least half are interpersonal. Feeling connected at work is crucial to performance. I want to highlight two related to this week’s topic.
My supervisor, or someone at work, seems to care about me as a person.
At work, my opinions seem to count.
Reflection
Early on in my career I felt like I had to be working 100% of the time I was at work—that social conversation was an interruption. Many employers still operate this way, but having conversations with co-workers actually builds work relationships which has an exponential impact on productivity.
Still, it’s a hard mindset—and practice—to shift. Many people feel like they need to leave their personal lives at home and “be professional” at work. Or the workload doesn’t leave time to get to know co-workers. Or the desire is there, but there aren’t any structures in place to help people get to know each other.
That’s what ProjectConnect is for. It provides an easy, enjoyable way for employees to get to know each—and care about— each other as people. It’s a path to reach the two Gallup outcomes mentioned above.
For us be happy at work, we need to feel seen, heard, and valued. One of the best ways to help people feel heard—inside or outside ProjectConnect groups—is to paraphrase.
Connection Skill & Action Step: Paraphrase
Paraphrasing involves sharing a brief reflection of the essence of what the other person is saying. It captures what is important——while leaving out details. An effective paraphrase:
Is clear and concise
Demonstrates that you’re listening, conveys understanding, and checks to ensure your understanding is accurate.
Uses tentative language to allow the other person to adjust what they’ve said or help you understand better if you’ve missed the mark. For example:
“It sounds like…”
“So, what you’re saying is…”
“Let’s see if I’m getting this…”
Helps the person clarify their thoughts
Makes the other person feel heard, and de-escalates emotions
Paraphrasing can feel awkward at first, like trying on therapy-speak. But what feels weird coming out of your mouth, the speaker may appreciate or not notice at all. Play around with language that feels comfortable to you and fits your communication style.
Questions. Please share your responses in the comments … we love hearing from you!
What makes you feel heard—or not heard?
Do you have at least one person at work who cares about you as a person? What difference has it made to your work life?
