76. Spend time alone: it improves relationships, mental health, and productivity
Connection isn’t just about spending time with people … it’s about how you show up to those interactions. Are you exhausted and irritable, or fully engaged? And that often has to do with taking time alone—especially if you’re an introvert.
Data point of the week
Research shows there are some surprising benefits to spending time alone, reporting that: solitude increases empathy—and people who learn to enjoy alone time experience less depression, have higher levels of happiness, and are better able to handle stress.
Spending time alone at work also has some interesting impacts. In her book Quiet, Susan Cain debunks the myth that open office plans lead to collaboration, idea-generation, and creative work. The truth? Shared workspaces kill your ability to focus and accomplish tasks that require deep thought. And having your own office doesn’t necessarily solve the problem either, if you’re constantly in meetings, on calls, or frequently interrupted.
Here's a mind-boggler: In her TEDx talk on busyness, Dorie Clark cites a study of senior leaders, where 97% identified “long-term strategic thinking” as key to their organization’s success. But get this: in a separate study “96% of leaders surveyed said they don’t have time for strategic thinking.”
In other words, leaders (and most of us) don’t have time ALONE to engage in deep thinking, reflection, and planning, despite believing that it’s the most important thing they could do for their business.
Reflection
The quality of our connections is largely based on the quality of our interactions. Are we able to be present and connect? Or are we drained and distracted? It’s impossible to get to a deep place in our relationships (or our work) if our attention is constantly frayed and our emotional reserves are running on empty.
As an introvert, I need time alone to replenish my energy. Too much together time and not enough alone time leaves me feeling overextended, cranky, and sometimes resentful. But this may not be true for everyone. When I interviewed introverts and extroverts, a couple of extroverts mentioned feeling uncomfortable with unstructured alone time.
Of course there are different kinds of time alone. There’s loneliness, being bored and unsure what to do with yourself, and then there’s enjoying solitude, “me time,” and the opportunity to get deeply absorbed in what you’re doing.
Connection Skill & Action Step: Spend time alone
If you’re someone who needs alone time to replenish, or you simply enjoy it, here’s how to carve some out for yourself:
When. Decide on a time that will fit your schedule and meet your needs. A few minutes in the morning to set yourself up for the day? A few minutes in the evening to unwind? Whatever you choose, put it on your calendar. Treat it like any other important appointment.
Where. Is there a quiet place where you can shut the door and not be interrupted? If that’s not an option in your home, can you go outside? Take a minute to yourself in your car before going into work? Put on some earphones and mentally check out for awhile?
What would feel restorative to you? Do you want time for reflection, fun, creativity, or something else?
If you live with other people, be clear about when and where you’ll be taking alone time that’s uninterruptable. Encourage the other people in your home to schedule alone time too!
Alone time at work.
If you would benefit from more alone time at work to plan, reflect, or focus on tasks that require deep thought, here are some strategies to discuss with your team, or boss:
Skip the “open-door policy.” While it sounds friendly and inviting to always be available, it can kill focus and productivity. Try experimenting with closed doors in the morning, and open doors in the afternoon. Or get creative with door signs, like “trying to get stuff done, please come back later” or “focus in progress” or “please come in so I can procrastinate.”
Set email boundaries. Turn off email notifications and let people know that you respond to emails twice a day at specific times (and not after hours). Your future focused self will thank you.
Conduct a meeting audit. Make more time for alone time by cutting back on meetings. Yes, well-structured and well-run meetings can improve communication, expedite work, and build connection … but take a hard look at the time-to-value ratio. How many meetings truly need everyone who’s in them? What’s the purpose of each meeting? Does the format actually serve the purpose? Can any meetings be re-structured, shortened, or politely escaped?
Questions. Please share your responses in the comments—I love hearing from you! Just click "post comment," enter your name and click "post as guest"
How do you feel about time alone? Is it something you feel you need? Enjoy? Dislike?
Aaahhhh, time alone.